SETTLING - HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH?
How many of us would intentionally pay full price for a half of a pack of anything? I would gather, not many. How many of us when given an incorrect amount of change when purchasing something would settle for what was returned to us especially when we were owed more? Probably, none of us. However, why is it when it come to relationships, we often settle for considerably less than what we were expecting to receive?
Settling in a relationship can be defined as accepting significantly less than what you want because perhaps you don’t think you can get what you truly desire. It is simply taking what is offered, however it is offered, and deciding to live with it. It is agreeing to way less than what is satisfactory to you and paying a much higher cost.
How do you know when you have decided to settle in your relationship? You begin to notice that little by little you’ve begun to let go of things that were once important to who you are and how you would like to be treated for the sake of keeping this relationship (one too many epic fails in your past.) You have convinced yourself that compromising your needs is for the good of your relationship even though you realize that only your partner’s needs are being satisfied. He’s unfaithful, and you stay. He’s abusive, and you stay. You think changing “you” will make him treat you differently or that if you change enough, then, maybe, he will, too. Just how much change is enough? It’s been four years and three kids, and he has yet to ask you to become his wife. How much more must you give and endure while receiving substantially less before you comprehend your true worth?
In settling, we as women sometimes don’t believe we deserve more because we are actually worth more than what we readily accept in our relationships. Oftentimes, we settle because we don’t know who we are but long desperately to be loved. Our identity has been based on someone else’s perception of us as opposed to God’s design for us and the value He places on our worth. In the Bible, Jeremiah 31:3 tells us of God’s everlasting love for us and how by His unfailing love He has drawn us to Himself. This means that even with knowledge all of our flaws, mood swings, wrinkles, dimples, mental meltdowns and emotional issues, God still says we have great worth, and that we do not have to bow to mediocrity or become someone we’re not in order to be loved.
If you have found yourself in a relationship where you have settled and given way more than you should have, accepting less than minimum in return, it is not too late to learn to love yourself and discover your worth in Christ. A very good friend of mine shared this quote with me that is so fitting, “While there is a man putting you last, there is a King waiting to put you first.” You beautiful, brave, generous, strong, loving, resilient woman, believe you deserve better, and then live it!